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  #11  
Old 01-23-2018, 01:13 PM
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Three prisoners in the gulag get to talking about why they are there. “I am here because I always got to work five minutes late, and they charged me with sabotage,” says the first. “I am here because I kept getting to work five minutes early, and they charged me with spying,” says the second. “I am here because I got to work on time every day,” says the third, “and they charged me with owning a western watch.”
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Old 01-23-2018, 01:15 PM
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A Georgian delegation arrive to meet with Stalin, they talk to Stalin and then they go, heading off down the Kremlin’s corridors. Stalin starts looking for his pipe. He can’t find it. He calls in Beria, the dreaded head of his secret police. “Go after the delegation, and find out which one took my pipe,” he says. Beria scuttles off down the corridor. Five minutes later Stalin finds his pipe under a pile of papers. He calls Beria—”Look, I’ve found my pipe.” “It’s too late,” Beria says, “half the delegation admitted they took your pipe, and the other half died during questioning.”
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  #13  
Old 01-23-2018, 01:20 PM
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The commies were fond of telling Jewish communist jokes too:

“Hey Hymee, how’s your brother Joseph?” “He’s living in Prague and building socialism.” “And didn’t you have a sister, Judith—how’s she doing?” “She’s well too—living in Budapest and creating a communist future.” “And your older brother Bernie?” “Oh he moved to Israel.” “And is he building socialism there too?” “What, are you crazy? Do you think he’d do that to his own country?”
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  #14  
Old 01-23-2018, 01:31 PM
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"Granddaughter, please explain Communism to me,” an old Russian woman asks her granddaughter. “How will people live under it? They probably teach you all about it in school."

"Of course they do, Granny,” her granddaughter responds. “When we reach Communism, the shops will be full – there'll be butter, and meat, and sausage…you'll be able to go and buy anything you want..."

"Ah!" exclaimed the old woman joyfully. "Just like under the Tsar!"
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  #15  
Old 01-23-2018, 01:32 PM
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A Soviet man is waiting in line to purchase vodka from a liquor store, but due to restrictions imposed by Gorbachev, the line is very long. The man loses his composure and screams, "I can't take this waiting in line anymore, I HATE Gorbachev, I am going to the Kremlin right now, and I am going to kill him!"

After 40 minutes the man returns and elbows his way back to his place in line. One man asks him if he has succeeded in killing Gorbachev.

"No,” he responds. “That line was even longer."
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  #16  
Old 01-23-2018, 01:33 PM
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After years of saving up, a Soviet man finally has enough to buy a car. He goes to the appropriate ministry and informs them that he would like to purchase a vehicle.

“There are currently shortages, it will be three years before your car is available,” the minister informs the man. “We will have it sent to your house when it’s ready.”

"Three years," he responds. "What month?"

"August," says the minister.

"August? What day in August?" Asks the man.

"The Second of August," says the minister.

"Morning or Afternoon?" Asks the man.

"Why do you need to know?" Asks the minister, getting exasperated.

"The plumber is coming in the morning," the man responds.




Under communism, every man has what he needs. That's why the butcher puts a sign up that says "nobody needs meat today."
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  #17  
Old 01-23-2018, 01:35 PM
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A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve.

"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"

"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"

The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
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  #18  
Old 01-25-2018, 01:13 AM
EthanKlein EthanKlein is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gopguy View Post
A Soviet man is waiting in line to purchase vodka from a liquor store, but due to restrictions imposed by Gorbachev, the line is very long. The man loses his composure and screams, "I can't take this waiting in line anymore, I HATE Gorbachev, I am going to the Kremlin right now, and I am going to kill him!"

After 40 minutes the man returns and elbows his way back to his place in line. One man asks him if he has succeeded in killing Gorbachev.

"No,” he responds. “That line was even longer."
Hahaha! That's a good one!
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  #19  
Old 01-30-2018, 01:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EthanKlein View Post
Hahaha! That's a good one!
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  #20  
Old 01-30-2018, 01:34 PM
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